feb/mar 2025 in film

“so blind i was! with the desire of being perfect.” I have such an interesting, but possibly a very unoriginal, relationship to shooting film. Born in the late 90s, grew up in the early 2000s - didn’t care too much for shooting film as a kid. My mom took film photos until she switched to digital because it was economical. I wanted to take pictures on a silly little camera, I didn’t care if it was film or digital. Then high school. And suddenly, shooting on disposable cameras was so cool and Sooooo Tumblr. The mid 2010s was an interesting time for film (for me at least. I didn’t do any research into the state of film for the general photo community). I could buy disposable cameras at some drugstores and I distinctly remember dropping them off at my local CVS for developing. The developing wasn’t up to professional standards by any means, neither were the photos I took. But I still got glossy 6x4 prints and uploaded scans to Tumblr in exchange for a few likes and reblogs.

I picked up and dropped film many times since then. In college, my roommate introduced me to the Canon EOS Rebel which was as easy of a film camera to understand as it gets. It was compatible with my other Canon DSLR lenses and the auto modes made it so simple to get the perfect exposure. It was perfect in many ways, I didn’t take as much chances with film (which is expensive!), I didn’t have to learn a foreign apparatus, and I could guarantee that dreamy, beautiful film look for every single shot. Sometimes it felt like cheating at film.

I don’t think you can “cheat” at creating, especially when it’s just for fun and some social media likes. Nothing ever really took off and I started becoming more protective of how much I shot film. Eventually, I just kind of stopped shooting film. Of course, every now and then, my interest was piqued and I spent $50-$100 on a point and shoot camera from some Japanese camera eBay storefront. Inevitably, it would stop working and I’d abandon film a. little bit more.

Recently, I’ve been exploring more my desire for perfection. The usual questions come to mind - what does it mean to be “perfect”? What end goal am I pursuing? What do I want to do, if I can somehow produce the perfect picture? Honestly, I’m not sure. Sometime over the last month or so, I found this old Minolta sitting in a box in my room with half a roll used in it. I wasn’t sure if it still worked & I wasn’t sure how to use it tbh. Since I have some disposable income these days, I decided to put in a roll of blue film I’d never use otherwise and just test it out to see if it even worked. It did, the photos were not the best, but I can’t remember the last time I had fun shooting film for no reason other than to play around.

Something I lose sometimes, as I sometimes get lost in the social media of it all, is that the creating is the best part. The uncertainty of what might come about, the problem solving during it, the general process.